Vanity Fear

A Pretentious A**hole's Guide to B-Movie Bullsh*t


is for Kicking

Kung Fu, Karate, Thai Kick-Boxing, Ninjitsu, Jeet Kune Do, Gymkata.

Experts (that is to say people who proudly display their collections of throwing stars and nunchucks) could easily spend hours discussing the many differences that make each of the many different fighting styles unique, but we all know this is mere wankery. In each case it’s all about kicking, even those that don’t actually allow you to use your legs, because the kicking I’m referring to is ass-kicking and ass-kicking is easily the most popular B-Movie genre of all time.

An encyclopedia’s worth of books could be written on the different subgenres alone. You’ve got martial arts movies, rape/revenge movies, vigilante movies, angry Vietnam vet movies, gang movies, female gang movies, biker movies, big tough Southern sheriff movies, prison movies, boxing movies, incorruptible cop movies, corrupt cop movies, kickboxing movies, secret tournament movies, redneck movies, big city folks forced to fight redneck movies, I could go one forever.

Fact is most people will go through their entire life without kicking any ass, or worse they’ll only know what it’s like to get their ass kicked. Ass­-kicking movies give them the catharsis they need to get through the day, knowing that out there somewhere the people who truly need their asses kicked might actually get their asses kicked as soon as they mess with the wrong motherfucker.

Every B-Movie fan has their favourite ­ass-kicking subgenre. Mine is the  rape/revenge movie, as exemplified by Day of the Woman (both the original and remake), Kill Bill 1&2, Ms. 45, Lipstick, Thriller: A Cruel Picture, and Savage Streets. For reasons I make clear in this recent Bookgasm review, I’ve always identified more with female protagonists than their male counterparts and thus always feel more satisfaction watching a hot chick some righteous ass.

What’s your favourite ass-kicking movie genre?


is for Kicking